For the Love of You

"It is in love that each of us discovers the other, and in discovering, discovers oneself." 

As you read this, I hope you’re getting comfortable. I’ve got my coffee, and I’m hoping you have something warm in your hands, too. I’ve been sitting with the idea of love lately, thinking about where it usually goes and how we notice it.

For the longest time, we have been conditioned to associate "being in love" with a special relationship with someone outside ourselves. If I asked you who you love, you’d probably give me a list of names: a partner, friends, family, perhaps your fur baby.

Because of course, this is the simplest way to show you are capable of such. It has to be witnessed to count. We observe our capacity for love by how well we show up for everyone else. But there is a different kind of growth that only happens when we turn that attention inward.

 

Love as Action, Not Feeling

We often confuse love with a feeling: the rush, the heat, the high. But the truth is, love is action first. The real turning point in life is when you realize that your love language isn’t just how you show up for others; it’s how you need to show up for yourself. Love is found in the quiet attention and consideration you choose to give, again and again.

You make yourself tea exactly the way you like it. You manage to keep and enjoy the same playlist you’ve had since you were a teenager. You still send yourself voice notes so you don’t forget the thought you had on the drive home.

None of this is learned overnight. Most of us learned to express love outward first to observe how others responded. But if you can anticipate the needs of the people around you, imagine what could shift if you applied that same strategy to yourself?

 

 

Planning as Self-Loyalty

If love shows up in what we do, then attention is where it begins. The problem is, our attention is limited. When we don’t decide where it goes, it gets taken by whatever feels most urgent or demanding. Planning is how we gently protect a portion of it for ourselves.

1. The Spark: Intention Fuels The Love

We usually think of scheduling as a chore or a way to keep track of our obligations to everyone else. This time, I’m asking you to see it as an act of devotion. Think of your boundaries not as walls to keep people out, but as the structures that allow you to stay available for yourself.

• Don't wait until you're exhausted to realize you need a break. Look ahead and leave a gap in your schedule to watch out for extra draining days.
• Treat your favorite drinks and snacks like essential supplies, not rewards you have to earn. Add a recurring task to check your stock before they run out.

Taking yourself seriously starts with just observing where your attention goes. The secret is that once you learn to love yourself through these small habits, you’re basically nurturing your own love language. Then, when you show up for others, you’re doing it from a full cup. People see that and they will notice the standard you’ve set for yourself, and they start to meet you there.

 

 

2. The Practice: Keep Engaging With Life

Engaging with life means participating in it actively instead of passively reacting to it. But how do we know what to participate in? This is where nostalgia becomes a compass.

Think about the moments, memories, or patterns that replay in your mind when you’re quiet. They often point to what you truly value. When you look at how you treat others, you see a blueprint for how you can show up for yourself:

• Belonging: You’d never leave a friend out of a celebration, right? You make sure they’re invited. That’s the same impulse as signing yourself up for a restock notification for your favorite product. It’s you telling yourself, 'I’m making sure you’re included in the good things.'
  
  
• Consideration: You see something in a shop and buy it for a friend because it reminded you of them. You can do that for yourself, too. It’s why you go out of your way to that specific coffee shop for a quick boost before starting your busy day.
  
  
• Connection: Think about the effort you’d put into learning a new language just to talk to a friend across the globe. That’s a massive commitment to connect with someone else. You’re using that same skill when you choose to sit with yourself and regulate your emotions after a mistake instead of just shutting down. You’re learning the 'language' of your own nervous system so you can stay connected to yourself even when things get messy.

Different contexts, different actions, same principle. When you start seeing these small things as replays of your values, you realize you’ve been capable of loving yourself consistently all along.

 

 

3. The Commitment: Advocating For Yourself

There is a moment in any developing love where protectiveness emerges. You see someone you care about being dismissed, overlooked, or asked to shrink themselves, no questions asked, you'd intervene. Becoming your own advocate means learning to recognize when you are dismissing, overlooking, or shrinking yourself. And then, impossibly, speaking anyway.

Advocacy sounds like:

• I actually need to eat something before we continue this conversation.
• I changed my mind.
• I would love to do that again!

Advocacy is not measured by whether you win. It is measured by whether you show up. When you protect the space you intentionally created and consistently returned to, love stops being an idea and becomes a lived experience.

 

 

Choosing Yourself as a Practice

At the end of the day, self-loyalty isn't a destination you reach; it’s just something you build through practice. And if need be, we  can use planning tools as anchors to stay connected to the person we already are. It’s about making sure that in the middle of all the noise, you don't lose sight of yourself.

And if there’s one thing I want you to take away from this, it’s that your care doesn't need an audience to count. It doesn't need to be witnessed, photographed, or validated by anyone else to matter. The tea you made just for you, the boundary you held when no one was looking are the realest declarations of love there are.

To honoring the love that starts with you… 🥂

 

 

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